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  • Finding Light in the Darkness: Lessons in Resilience and Self-Realization

    Small changes can be big changes. It’s a matter of perspective. Each day, I see more signs the world is changing and the changes are getting bigger. It’s been eight years since the last Mayor and City Administrator came to power in my city.

    stopOver the eight years they have been in power, the City’s budgets have swelled by over 300%. Taxes and water bills exploded. Yet, the infrastructure, water, sewer, roads, and potholes saw few improvements. To question or voice concerns was to put your business or home at risk. The City would dole out fines, refuse to answer calls for help, use public works to block roads, refuse services, or change rules.

    Stories of financial impropriety started circulating in the small town I live in. The Mayor used his city credit card for personal expenses, $1,800 on a Las Vegas trip. More stories started circulating. The state audit of the financial statements indicated problems in internal controls. The City had grant money to help businesses during the pandemic. Yet, the City didn’t distribute 30% of the money. The businesses who did receive funds were intimately involved with the administration.

    Finally, the citizens had enough, and in a 70% to 30% landslide, the old Mayor was defeated.

    It seemed like the world was starting to right itself again. With the elections over, there was only a month and a half left in the term for the old Mayor. His story would soon be over.

    But then something strange started to happen. The Mayor and City Administrator started placing weird action items on the City Council Meeting agendas. They were trying to get contracts signed, employment contracts changed to extend severance for termination without cause, and the City Administrator was moving large sums of money. The Mayor and City Administrator refused to allow the new administration to come in and see the books.

    And then the coup d’etat. On the last day the old Mayor was in power, he and three senior staff did something awful. The Mayor fired these three senior staff without cause on the Saturday before the end of his term. The firing would trigger the 6-month severance package payout.

    On the last day of his administration, the Mayor and City Administrator made one last move to burn the City down. The severance checks were distributed and deposited on Friday, December 29. The actual termination and notification to the City happened the next day on Saturday. But on Saturday the City and banks were closed. I imagine the Mayor waited until Saturday to help ensure nothing could be done.

    The whole thing was surreal. Who does that? How could the Mayor, the City Administrator, the Public Works Director, and the Police Lieutenant ever think this would not haunt them?

    Society frustratingly ignores individuals committing illegal actions, leaving innocent individuals holding the bag. This infuriating leniency comes from inconsistent legal enforcement, systemic injustices, and the exploitation of loopholes by influential figures. All three of these happened in this situation. The result is a profoundly flawed situation where the consequences of unlawful behavior are borne by those least responsible.

    These actions were so blatantly self-serving, unethical, and deceitful that I couldn’t wrap my head around it. I was worried about getting too emotionally wrapped up in this because it is too easy to tumble over the edge and become so consumed by it that I become part of the ugly people these individuals had become.

    Yet, where is the balance? You and I live in a world that has become so out of wack that most of us have lost part of our way. And that is what I didn’t want to do. I didn’t want to lose my way again like I did four years ago when the 1% had finally taken so much control of our media, news agencies, government, and judicial systems they changed our world. They used the power to deliver a narrative that pitted friends against friends. In our confusion, they were able to siphon billions of dollars and implement massive legislation enabling them to do this legally.

    Four years ago, the world had become a pretty bleak place for me. I turned my energies inward and waited for change. In Eastern philosophy, the only thing you can count on is change.

    I continued to study the ancient texts and found the ancient Taoist texts offered emotional guidance in a world of chaos.

    Many of the Taoist texts were written during the Warring States period. It was 300 years of war, chaos, and famine. It was a time very similar to today.

    The writings are guides to help individuals like you and me find the path out of the darkness. When I find myself where the world’s injustices feel like they will overwhelm me, I reach for these writings to find direction so that I don’t become that person I was four years ago.

    wWhere this world becomes crazy for me is how do I balance my desire for a peaceful and tranquil mind with the chaos of the external world? What Taoism helps me realize is life is about change. If I’m alive, I’m floating on a river of constant change. Sometimes my boat will be in rapids. Sometimes it will be in calm waters. Sometimes, the boat will flip over. A peaceful, tranquil mind can realize these changes and move with each state.

    So, I grabbed the Heshang Gong Commentary and opened it up. It flipped open to Chapter 72, and I read it.

    “When the people do not fear displays of power, greater displays of power will follow…”

    It was wild. The chapter was about how governments rule. I read the first line over and over. The line indicated when those in power do not fear repercussions, they will become bolder. Another way to translate the line is when people do not fear small injuries and rule by force, more significant injuries will follow.

    Chapter 72 shared that people will grow tired of a nation full of strife and anxiety where they cannot safely live, express themselves, or abide peacefully and happily. When the people grow tired, they will strike back.

    And this is the natural order of things.

    This chapter helped me acknowledge my boat is in the rapids, and if I don’t want my boat to flip over, I better start paddling. I got my oar out and started paddling.

    I took my skillsets, those things I’ve been trained in, like financials and financial audit and research, and found the last audits for the City. I read through them and combined that with my understanding of fiduciary responsibility.

    I took all of that to the City Council meeting and spoke for the first time in five years. I talked about the documented lack of internal controls, collusion – a financial term for conspiracy, and misappropriation of assets. It was the first time in five years I spoke without fear of retribution.

    And I realized this story is not over. It is just starting. In a small town that has been terrorized by an administration built on greed, vengeance, and lost ethics, the citizens had enough. My city is a very small piece of the big world. The change is small when compared to the whole world. But from inside this City, the change is enormous. It’s just a matter of perspective.

    Five years ago, I started talking about some of my financial concerns with the City. The Mayor and the City Administrator turned on me. I was verbally attacked, my business fined, Public Works was used to come after my home. I had to go under and hide.

    I had been a member of the Chamber of Commerce for years, and they knew me. These people knew I was reasonable and balanced. Even they abandoned me. It felt like a massive defeat, and I wondered if the City was going to have enough influence to close my business down.

    What you’ve done for me is allow me to realize it wasn’t a huge defeat. It was a small victory. Everything is a matter of perspective.

    It felt huge in my little world. Recently, as I lifted my head up from my fox hole, people who had engaged with me five years ago reached out and welcomed me back. Their voices helped me realize that what happened five years ago mattered.

    fire flyI may of had to go underground. But everyone who engaged with me didn’t. They took off like little fireflies in the night. They lit the way, attracting other fireflies until their lights became so bright it turned night to day.

    Every significant change happens because each of us contributes a change that allows others to grow upon. This experience has shown me that what happened five years ago was not a defeat. It may have felt big for me, but as part of the more significant change with this election, it was a small and essential piece that allowed us to grow. Thank you for showing me that.

    That is not the only thing I learned. This experience helped reinforce what I’ve already known. To change the world, I must start with myself.

     

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About Kim Blaufuss

When I started my career, I had a very narrow idea of what was involved in Chinese Medicine. Later, I discovered that I had the wrong concept of health. My understanding of health was based on my Western background. In Classical Chinese Medical thought, health is something totally different.

Learn more about kim

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