A New Way to Think About Fear and Life Goals; 4 Mental Tricks to Overcome Fear

I’m in the wrong place.

It’s a knock deep inside you. You can almost feel its pulse.

You’ve set a goal and things are not working out. Maybe it is time to quit.

It is called fear. I’ve spent so much time trying to find fear. If I could just find the root, I could  pull it up! End of problem.

It doesn’t have a root. In fact, it doesn’t even have a face. It sits nowhere and is everywhere. 

I have a little fear meter test when working with goals. Decide to do something new. How easy was that? Could you feel a location in the body that was impacted by your thoughts? Did you come up with something to do? How long did you take to identify something to do? When you were choosing through your options, what were the reasons for tossing out an item?

My little fear meter test helps me understand how big a problem fear is becoming with my goal. Goals are never easy to attain. Some are harder than others. When goals get harder to attain, the fear meter starts to really jump off the charts. 

Take a minute to pick up the things you were tossing out. Give them a good look over. Did fear play any part in your decision?  

Something so all-pervasive must be pretty important. I do Chinese Medicine. Why is fear so darn important from a Chinese Medical perspective, and how can I use Classical Wisdom to wrangle the best out of fear?

Fear is important. Fear is related to the kidney channel which controls our self-identity and how we physically manifest in this world. It takes the yang energies of heaven and the yin energies of earth. In the simplest context this would be sperm and egg and combines these energies to manifest a unique human being…you.  The kidney energy is the seed from which our whole life will emerge and grow. To learn more about the kidney channel in Chinese Medicine click

Ah, well then, the emotions of the kidney channel must be related to our survival. Well it is. Fear  identifies potential dangers which could impact our survival.

Things that impact my survival are good things to be afraid of. Except, there are very few threats to my physical survival. No, the threats I identify are threats to my identity or my perception of myself. These perceived threats kick off my own internal self-chatter.

Ugh! The absolute worse…having to face yourself. The external noise is just a trigger to aid your little internal voice and allow it to spew out all the self-criticism necessary to stop you dead in your tracks.  And when does my voice become loudest? When I’m running into blocks with something I want to accomplish.

If I could only remember the only person who can stop me is me. Especially when trying to attain a new goal. 

O.k., so lets say I’ve done my fear meter, and I’m realizing that fear is becoming a big player in my internal dialogue. I’m afraid…I’m afraid I won’t be able to succeed, I’m afraid of judgement, I’m afraid what I’m doing won’t work, I’m afraid of the financial impacts, I’m afraid my family counts on me, I’m afraid to meet new people. 

One of the things I do is I keep inspirational quotes around me. There are 1,000’s of inspirational quotes for you when fear gets to the point that forward progress is hindered. If you’re thinking of quitting, “Quitters never win!” Bam! Awesome quote. “Yeah, you’re right,” I’ld think to myself.

The one I’m using now is, “If it doesn’t open, it’s not your door.”

There are thousands of doors to get to your goal. This isn’t about quitting. This is about opening more doors. This is about pushing open more doors. Kick down a few doors. This is about turning every handle until you find the one that turns for you.

Awesome. But, I still need to keep my internal chatter under control. Take a few lessons from Chinese Medicine to help you keep your focus and help keep your mental attitude up when things seem down. 

  1. Support the kidney channel. The stronger the channel, the less the fear. Root vegetables are fantastic support for the kidneys. Check out my liver detox juice for winter on Youtube. Not only does it help cleanse the liver, it helps support the kidneys.
  2. Take a walk around water or under open skies to help release the nagging sensation of fear. To learn more about how to use nature to help balance your emotions check out my book on Amazon:
  3. Kindness, the kidney channel responds favorably to self-kindness. One way to be kind to fear is to take a minute to slow down. This can be especially hard when your internal chatter is saying, but my family is counting on me. Slowing down is not stopping. Slowing down is giving yourself time to see what is around you. Slowing down is giving yourself time to see the other doors around you. Put down whatever is causing the fear and pick up something less daunting. Read a short book on how someone else solved a similar problem.
  4. Reenergize yourself. You can’t do anything when you’re exhausted – mentally or physically.  I have a tendency to focus on one solution and one door when I’m exhausted. So, I take a day or two to something I really like to do. It unplugs you and picks up your energy.

 I don’t know that we are going to get around fear. But, I do know I don’t like the emotion and learning to manage the emotional energetics of fear has kept me going when my goals seemed so far out of reach.

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Changing Your Life Isn’t as Mysterious As it Sounds

WARNING: SPOILER ALERT! If you haven’t binge watched the new Dracula series on Netflix, this is a spoiler on the ending.

So, I focus on helping people live the life the want to live instead of living the life they were taught to live. Not an easy thing to do especially when your internal chatter keeps telling you negative stories about who you are.

I think I was lucky to find Classical Chinese Medicine. Or maybe I was suppose to find it. I remember way back in the ‘70’s wanting to be a Classical Chinese practitioner. So, maybe it was my destiny. It was through Chinese Medicine, I was finally able to find a way to set down the demons of your internal chatter. Not just teach you tools to try and manage your response, but to allow you to stop having that response all together. To forget it ever happened. To enable you to cross the river of Lethe one more time.

For some, it is not a choice. There is an underlying drive forcing you to search for a different way of living. What traps you in the current way of living is time and persistence. If your anchors to this life are established by the time your are 5, well think how old you are and how much time you’ve been practicing these anchors.

That also means you may have surrounded yourself with other people who have similar anchors to you. Family units can be a strong example of this. Asking for change inside a family unit is difficult because people don’t like being confronted with change. Because when you are confronted with change, you face certain truths about yourself.

If someone is not ready for change, they will use everything at their disposal to avoid facing changing. They will push back and sometimes aggressively.

That is the nature of change. When you are changing, everyone around you is impacted by your change. How do you maintain your path to a better life when so many people are pushing you to stay in your box? That is the power of Chinese Medicine and the concept of buddha.

HERE IS THE SPOILER PART!

I really liked the new Dracula series on Netflix. The story was the same story I’ve seen in every Dracula movie with a twist. There was a 20th century human side given to Dracula. That 20th century unbalance and confusion many are facing with the sheer volume of issues and the speed of time.

In the end, it turned into a sort of Grimm Fairy tale highlighting key lessons from Daoism….

I hear ya! Really! I obviously have too much time on my hands.

But when you talk about the “deve” who are a superior race with these super human gifts and these transcendence abilities, Count Dracula is an amazing story of self-actualization lost in a free fall of despair, finally facing themselves and rising again.

I especially like Episode 3 where Count Dracula has made it into the 20th century and has taken hostage a 20th century host in her house. The house is a mess of discarded consumerism and the homeowner reflects the house is a dump.

But, Count Dracula says, “I’m assuming you have staff. You are clearly very wealthy…look at all this stuff. All this food. The moving picture box. And that thing outside, Bob calls it, um , a car. Is that yours? And this, this treasure trove is your house…never have I stood in greater luxury than surrounds me now.”

Wow, huh? What a realistic impression a person from a different century would have. I forget how very comfortable existence is today. That one scene brought it back. For Dracula, not only the house, but the whole 20th century world was a treasure trove of insatiable desires. And like Count Dracula, many today are on an endless search for insatiable comforts.

The drive is a distraction. and we use distractions every day to avoid facing something concerning our  interaction with the world. Food is the most common choice for distraction. How many people do you know who search for the ice cream in the middle of the night and can eat a whole quart?  In Chinese Medicine, you can stuff your emotions by eating things like ice cream which is damp producing. Damp, like a muffler, muffles the emotions.

Now, the other part that I really loved about the series was the last scene. Count Dracula has had an abnormal infatuation with a nun and her family bloodline. And why does he have this abnormal infatuation with this nun? Because she reflects what he wants. In fact, what is really amazing is how brutal he is to this nun as he covets and torments what he desires.

Very similar to what happens today when someone is faced with change and is not ready to change. They become very aggressive, covetous, and tormenting of what presents change.

Dr. Zoe Helsing confronts Count Dracula with a mirror that reflects back to him his deepest fear. I could almost feel the clock ticking. Would he accept his deepest, darkest demon or would he deny himself and continue on the karmic wheel. Every Dracula movie I’ve watched, Count Dracula refuses to acknowledge his deepest, darkest demon and is killed by the universe with a stake through the heart.

What I found amazing in this series, is faced with the truth, Count Dracula accepts the answer and is finally able to do what he has feared the most. Well, in the language of the deve, he was one of the few that was able to face himself and gain compassion…self-compassion.

And it’s only through self-compassion that we can have compassion for others. What is the test of your self-compassion meter? Listen to what you say to yourself. How many times do you criticize yourself? How many times do you reward yourself?

Every journey starts with one step. I challenge you to start practicing a rule of 5 positives to 1 negative. Practice on others and then practice on yourself. I say this because if you strongly critize yourself, it will be very difficult for you to find your own self beauty. Yet, you can really push yourself and see these things in others.

Find something positive even if it is how they brushed their hair today or how they helped clear dishes after dinner. Whatever it is, acknowledge it. When you get some skills at this, then start practicing on yourself.

All the information here and on my Youtube channel is here to help you get tips and techniques to start changing your internal world into the life you want to live instead of the life you were taught to live. I use these tools in clinic when working with others to help them transcend their past and the world they were taught to live.

You have something important to offer this world. It’s a whole lot easier to find when you are on your side.

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Exploring transcendence in Classical Chinese Medicine

You know what I like about blogging? What I like is I can write about anything I want to write about, and I don’t have to worry about anyone telling me I can’t do it or I have to write about what they want me to write about.

Over the last two years, I’ve gone through a lot of changes. It seems like everything is finally coming to fruition in my personal emotional health. Gads, what do I mean by that?

I guess what I mean by that is that we all go through ups and downs in life. If we didn’t, we wouldn’t be human. I mean, we can’t change the fact that we are human with a physical body. And that physical body has needs and wants. Your body needs things like air and water and food. You want things like running water, flushing toilettes, and a good job.

And we can’t change the fact that life happens. We lose loved ones, change jobs, fall in and out of love, wreck a car, forget to pick up the groceries, leave our wallet on the table…life just happens.

So, what do we do when life happens? Our most common response to stress is the response we learned as a child. I just put a video out on my Youtube channel: Forgetting What We Were Taught .

I really like this video because it really kind of hits home on what the great change was in me.

You know, I have been going through change my whole life. I’ve probably done more research, participated with more gurus, religions, philosophies than anyone I know. I learned 3 things through all my experiences.

  1. Whatever I was doing, I always found there was a spiritual side to it and the tenets had similarities across a wide range of beliefs and practices.
  2. I found there was a very human side to whatever I was participating in. What I loved about the human side was the acknowledgement that part of us is a physical body. The physical body has these needs and wants because the body wants to live. And these needs and wants can take us off track as we struggle to live.
  3. And lastly, there was always some aspect of finding our direction or our destiny. There was always a question of, “How do I fit in”?

What I’ve come to recognize is; if whatever you are doing isn’t addressing each of these 3 aspects, you won’t be content. You’ll feel like you are missing something and will continue to search.

It was probably about 7 years ago that I started working in clinic to break our emotional habits. I was amazed that Chinese Medicine could do that. So were my clients. Yet, that one step started a quest within me for more information.

As I started studying more of Classical Chinese Medicine, I started to believe that more was achievable with the medicine. Already the medicine believed the whole being was part of the picture of disease. The spirit, the emotions, the thought processes, the physical body. Classical Chinese Medicine already had this amazing outline of the person when addressing disease. To get more info check out my Youtube videos:

  1. Understanding Chinese Medicine and Disease 
  2. Five Lights of Illumination from Ancient Chinese Medical Texts

 And then it finally started to come together. Transcendence…to go beyond our ordinary limitations. I couldn’t believe it. Chinese Medicine knew how to break our destructive thought patterns and had known how to do it for a very long time. They saw it as “changing your destiny”.

I had to try it. It worked. It did exactly what I wanted it to do. It helped me break some of these old repetitive behaviors or thought processes that would get trigger whenever I thought I saw a familiar event from an uncomfortable past.

I started offering it in clinic. It worked. That super painful, annoying internal chatter that was driving you nuts (figuratively driving you nuts) could be changed.

That is what I mean when I say everything is starting to come together with my emotional health. Unfortunately, what I’ve found is this change doesn’t mean I’m perfect. The change has opened a doorway to new and, maybe, more exciting change opportunities. I would never have seen these new opportunities if I hadn’t gone through this transcendental work in Chinese Medicine. And I’m curious on how these new opportunities will turn out.

I just started reading Wang Fengyi’s “Discourse on Transforming Inner Nature” and part of Epictetus “Enchiridion”. Enchiridion was a little dark for me but had some interesting concepts that I wanted to think about. Epictetus was a Roman slave philosopher later freed. So, his perspective on life can be a bit dreary. But Wang Fengyi is amazing.

I look forward to sharing thoughts on these writings with you in the future.

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