How do you approach life with love in your heart? Finding the will to open your heart after experiencing hurt or disappointment in relationships can be challenging. The West is full of extremes like binary thinking, where you have to be right or wrong. These extremes in conscious thinking encourage self-defense behaviors that will cut you off from others. Yet, opening up to these behaviors and beliefs can help create the foundation to change and help you find the door to self-love.
WHAT STOPS YOU FROM APPROACHING LIFE WITH LOVE IN YOUR HEART
I always envied the individual who seemed to move through life open to everyone around them, constantly aware and responsive to the needs of others. I’ve wondered how they could do that. Later, I learned this could be just the yin expression of internal hurts and trauma. Instead of building solid defensive walls, there were no walls, no boundaries. The need for approval and validation from others betrayed them. They sacrificed their needs to please others, and anger and resentment seethed under that carefree exterior.
But, there was also a yang side. Instead of being open to everyone, the doors were closed to everyone. You shut down emotionally, avoiding vulnerability, building walls around yourself, and becoming defensive. In time, the heart was blocked from the world to avoid more hurt. The world became lonely as trust issues made it difficult to form new connections and experience love.
What makes both these behaviors challenging is they happen gradually over time. It’s only sometimes obvious that these behaviors are changing you. It can happen so slowly that you may not even realize it’s happening until you find yourself in a pattern of struggling to connect with others or feeling disconnected or feeling run over in your relationships, swallowed up in anxiety and stress.
It’s like a small leak in a dam, it may not look like much, but over time, it can cause significant damage. These behaviors develop into habits, coping mechanisms, or defense mechanisms to protect yourself from further hurt.
THE ROLE OF SACRIFICE
The heart holds a special place as the “Emperor” of the body. As the Emperor, the heart will attach meaning, the why of it, to your emotions so the mind can understand what is happening and take appropriate action. But what happens when the inputs, feelings, and meaning, conflict?
Families are imperfect units that are wrapped up in love. When you’re a child, you don’t have the big boy or big girl words to express your feelings and meaning cleverly. You feel hurt, and that hurt has all sorts of flavors that you don’t have words for yet. These are words like betrayal, wrong, unacceptable, deceived, let down, cheated, abused, double-crossed…
The conflict is the feelings of hurt conflicting with feelings of love. As a child, you incorporate all actions and behaviors as part of love. Your parents are their protection and comfort in the world. If they do or say something that suggests you are wrong, that can leave you with a pretty scary feeling. That can leave you fearing being abandoned by the family, which can lead to your first self-sacrifice.
True sacrifice is a mutual decision, and both parties should feel comfortable with the sacrifices being made. Children can’t make those decisions. Yet, if part of your actions or behaviors as a child are seen as wrong, you will give up those behaviors. Sometimes there is a good reason to teach a child something is wrong, like to avoid harm. Don’t run out into the street. Other times, your actions or behaviors could make the parent uncomfortable by triggering some of their unresolved issues.
THE ULTIMATE GIFT
Love is sacrifice, a selfless act,
A giving of oneself, a pact.
For the well-being of another’s heart,
We put our own needs to depart.
In love, we find a sense of devotion,
A willingness to make a motion.
Of putting the needs of our loved one first,
A bond that can never be dispersed.
But sacrifice should be a mutual choice,
A balance to find, to raise one’s voice.
For in true love, both should shine,
A love that is forever, divine.
So let us sacrifice with care,
And let love be a mutual affair,
For when we give ourselves away,
We’ll find love that will forever stay.
HOW TO BALANCE SACRIFICE TO FIND LOVE
Finding a balance between sacrifice and personal boundaries has been a personal journey. I used to believe that to truly love and care for others, I had to constantly put their needs before my own and make sacrifices without any thought for my own well-being. I would often neglect my own boundaries and feelings in order to please others, which ultimately left me feeling resentful and empty.
It wasn’t until I realized that to love and care for others truly, I needed to first love and care for myself that I started growing. I am learning about the importance of setting and maintaining healthy personal boundaries and self-care’s role in nurturing and sustaining love. I began to understand that true love is not about constantly sacrificing oneself but finding balance and mutual respect in relationships.
I started practicing active listening to communicate my needs and feelings more effectively and make time for myself and my interests. I started acknowledging feeling overwhelmed or taken advantage of as triggers when it was right to say no. I found that by setting boundaries and taking care of myself, I could be more present and engaged in my relationships and give and receive love in a more authentic and meaningful way.
I also learned that love comes in different forms, not only romantic love but also love for family, friends, and even strangers. And that balance between sacrifice and personal boundaries is important in all of them.
By balancing sacrifice and personal boundaries, I was able to find deeper and more meaningful love in all areas of my life.
THE PROCESS WILL BE UNIQUE AND CHANGE YOUR WORLD
It was not an easy journey, but it has been worth it. When you change your thoughts, beliefs, and habits, you change the way you show up in the world. Making positive changes can raise your energetic vibration and change your energy field. This will change the people you find in your group and attract different people who are more aligned with your new values, goals and who are looking for the same things in life.
The journey of personal change is unique to each individual and is not a one-size-fits-all process. There will be ups and downs, and it is crucial to remember that every step of the journey has meaning and value.
Focus on the present moment and take one step at a time. Personal change is not a destination but a continuous process of growth and self-discovery. It can be helpful to remind yourself that the journey is just a piece of the process.
Remember that change takes time and that progress may be slow at times. You can support yourself with patience and practicing celebrating the small wins along the way.
How you treat others reflects how you treat yourself. If you prefer being around kind and compassionate individuals, practice kindness and compassion with yourself during this process. Remember to practice self-care and be gentle when things get tough because mistakes are okay. Every step of the journey is a learning experience.
The process of personal change is unique for each person. There is no one-size-fits-all approach. What works for one person may not work for you, and that’s okay. Trust yourself, and trust the journey.
It’s a process full of ups and downs, but with perseverance and self-compassion, you can become stronger and better understand yourself and your relationships.
Kim Blaufuss is a formally trained Classical Chinese Medical Provider and Taoist practitioner.
Her unique approach combines Eastern and Western Science to provide a comprehensive and transformative emotional healing experience. By working with her, you can gain access to her extensive knowledge and expertise and benefit from her personalized and compassionate approach to healing.
Kim Blaufuss’ teachings can help you develop a deeper understanding of yourself, cultivate inner peace and joy, and promote healing at a fundamental level. Her work has helped countless individuals achieve their spiritual and emotional goals, and by working with her, you, too, can experience the transformative power of her teachings. If you’re looking for a spiritual and emotional healer who can guide you toward greater well-being and fulfillment, then Kim is the perfect choice. Set-up your private work session today.